Are you clueless?

I’m sorry to be offensive, but if you’re a guy reading this there’s a good chance you might be…

I know this because I was clueless, still struggle with being clueless, and see men almost everyday that are clueless about the condition of their marriage.

My wife begged me to go to counseling for almost 12 months before we got separated. She tried to tell me things were bad, but I just didn’t see it. I know we had things to work on, but I had no idea things were as bad as what she said they were.

I’ve since learned that it matters less if my wife’s perception about the condition of our marriage is right or wrong, but rather if and how I respond to her perception.

If her perception is right, I have a problem. If her perception is wrong, I ALSO have a problem. The only wrong way to deal with my wife’s perception is to ignore it.

I want to help you determine and discuss the condition of your marriage with your spouse.

The first thing you need to know is the condition of your marriage is never stationary. It is always moving in 1 of 2 directions. One’s good – INTIMACY. One’s bad – DIVORCE. It’s a sobering reality.

The quicker you and your spouse understand which direction you’re pointed, the quicker you can both intelligently work on your marriage.

The exercise below is a helpful way of taking inventory of anything that may be threatening your marriage. Every couple has their own unique list. What follows are some of the most common issues that couples experience. Check all the issues that you are currently experiencing.

Before discussing the list above, take a few minutes to note the things in life right now that are good.

1. Share your lists with each other. Start with the good stuff!  Better yet, do this with a mentor couple and ask them to speak into each of your lists.
2. Identify the strengths of your relationship and discuss how you can develop these strengths even more.
3. Take an honest look at what showed up as common issues.
4. Seek to understand why you both identified those areas as issues.
5. Discuss how these issues have impacted your marriage.
6. Agree to 1 specific action you both can take to help eliminate this as a problem area.
7. Finally, end this exercise by asking God to strengthen and protect your marriage.

Hans Molegraaf

Hans co-founded Marriage Revolution with his wife, Star, in 2010. He counsels couples in The Woodlands, TX, speaks at marriage conferences around the country, and provides leadership and direction to Marriage Revolution.