Stories of Hope

When I first said “I DO” to me bride with all my heart and soul I meant it. But when all the presents were open and the pictures were placed in the photo album real life set in. We realized marriage is hard work and we were not equipped to deal with the day to day dilemmas.

We wanted and desired God to be the foundation of our lives and our marriage but we were so blinded by our own desires. We were knowledgeable on how to accomplish the goal we desire, all the while though we were tearing each other and our marriage apart.

The one thing we agreed on was to find a God filled, Christian counselor for our marriage. My wife found Marriage Revolution and we were both receptive. Meeting Hans was a true blessing. He explained what God wanted to accomplish in our marriage. By glorifying God in our marriage we are on a path to have a happy and productive partnership. We have shared pains, hurts, and sensitive issues and resolved problems that neither of us even knew were there. By doing this I have learned not only what makes my wife happy and spiritually filled, but I have found things out about myself that my wife cherishes and makes me understandable to her.

God worked through Marriage Revolution to save our marriage and has made us aware that we will always fall short but we should always desire to be God like for our spouse…not only in the good times but more importantly in the bad.

Thank you Marriage Revolution!

 

I will never be the same again.

My mindset and outlook has been totally changed. Where I once had hopelessness, I now have hope. Hans has enabled me to make some decisions that I never could have without his help. A humongous weight has been lifted off of my life because of his influence. He has helped me to see clearly again at a time in my life where everything was hazy and out of focus. I feel light and free where I once felt so heavy and weighed down.

I am presently learning that the score of a game is irrelevant. The outcome of an event(marriage) is not what’s most important. What matters most is effort and attitude. Winning will take care of itself if I apply myself diligently with a good attitude.

I also need to know “why” I am doing what I am doing. If it’s not to glorify God, it’ll be in vain in the long run. Hans has taught me that my mission in life is to glorify God. If I will focus solely on that, everything else will be taken care of.

 

When my husband and I got engaged, we knew there was no one besides Hans we wanted as our premarital counselor. Hans is someone we trust, admire and can rely on, and his premarital counseling course is a reflection of these qualities of his.

Going into our marriage, we both knew we had some major sins, but neither of us anticipated how two peoples’ individual sins can be so intensified when combined. In our sessions, Hans listened with a discerning ear and melted our hearts with Godly wisdom, always pointing us back to the Cross and Christ’s love for the church. Our tendency prior to premarital counseling was to try to “help” each other act “better,” which was rapidly leading to resentment and anger at the lack of immediate progress in the other.

Through Hans, God showed us how much we need Him, on a moment to moment basis, for the rest of our lives. There are so many benefits to being in a marriage where both people seek the Lord first and honor his/her spouse second.

Knowing the Lord loves and desires me just as I am helps me respect my husband just as he is. I will never be perfect, and there are many sins I will struggle with my whole life, but my husband, through God’s grace, is a source of encouragement and strength for me in my times of weakness. His helping, loving words and presence help me each day become more of a woman that seeks the Lord, because I see so many traits of the Father through my husband.

 

When it came to my marriage I was selfish, prideful and unforgiving. We were just two sinful people justifying our sin all over the place. I was not making choices with Christ in mind at all. Our marriage was falling apart at a rapid speed. I was going to leave my husband for sure. I had no thought of what Christ said about marriage in my mind. divorce was the only option. It made sense.

Personally, The Lord used Hans to reveal to me all the things that were out of line with Christ’s way of thinking. Hans helped me to understand what forgiveness looks like. I had been holding on to things for years and I had no idea how to let go. My way was not working and consequently destroying our family. I learned that I needed to be living my life for the Lord. I learned that my life and marriage wasn’t for my glory, but for His. I learned we must forgive as Christ has forgiven us. And not just forgive when we think it’s right, but to forgive as many times as Christ forgives us.

I look at my marriage different now. Instead of first pleasing my husband, I desire to please the Lord. He showed and is continually showing me that His ways are better then anything I could ever dream of. I am not saying it’s easy but I know He is faithful! I am so thankful!!

 

My husband confessed to me that he had been having a year long affair with his secretary (20 years younger) and that he gave her a large sum of money.

I never wanted a divorce but the anger against him for being so dishonest was destroying me. The whole affair was repulsive to me. I could not find it in my heart to forgive him on my own. Through sessions with Hans I learned how to love and forgive the way God always loves and forgives me, because I am far from perfect. I know God would never have wanted my husband to cheat on me, but I feel the affair may have saved my marriage and renewed our life together.

 

My wife and I were on the road toward divorce. Basically we were just ignoring each other. Hans is our House Church pastor and we sought to work with him in counseling. As a result we are learning how to apply the Biblical model of Jesus and the Church to marriage. Revelation from God coupled with the tools we’ve been provided are helping us to reconnect, meet each other’s needs and grow closer together and closer to God. We are grateful to Hans and the work he has put in to help us get on the right path.”

 

I think Jennifer and I were decently prepared for marriage spiritually, but what we were not prepared for was simple communication, blame, and expectations in our marriage.

Hans helped us learn to confront our issues face to face, gently without fear of rejection. We learned who we were going to be in the marriage, and how much that truly meant to the other person.It has honestly helped us in the few trials we’ve had.

We learned how to fight, how to show we care, and how to pray together.

Do we always act upon it? Definitely not, but we do sometimes and above that we always remember the example that was set in our pre-marital counseling. It is nice to have a guideline in something so complex and vibrant as marriage.”

 

When I look back at the last several years of our lives ,and the 22 years of being married we never really told each other the likes and dislikes. I am a type to hold it in.

Struggles this past year brought forth the many years of holding back my emotional needs and hurts. I also know for many years I have hurt and did not honor my husband as a leader in our family.

By the end of spring we were about at a loss. It was a competition on who did more in the household and who didn’t do enough. God in His awesome ways ,after being able to support Hans and Star and having them as friends gave us the most awesome reward of using Hans to help heal our marriage. Although we were never thought of divorce it was so evident we needed major counseling.

Our kids were seeing a very poor example of a godly marriage and with them growing up and out of the house in several years we needed to not only be husband and wife but best friends again.

Today things aren’t perfect but there is no one I would rather be with than my husband

 

My name is Brian and I am engaged to be married in February 2014. I am 22 years old and as of recent have come to meet, get to know, and learn from Hans through his pre-marital class.

When I first heard of this counseling option I did not think too highly of it. I felt as if it would be “story book” or “fairy tale ending” type of counseling. That it would be a “everything would be perfect and we would live happily ever after if we did this this and this” type of deal.

Surprisingly, as the counseling started I slowly learned that this marriage is so much more than doing this, this, and this. And there are not fairy tail endings at all. What I learned is marriage is full of problems, issues, disagreements, arguments, hurt, cries, and mutual wrong doings will occur. There are also smiles, laughs, memories, hugs, kisses, intercourse, trust, love, and spiritual, physical, and mental intimacy.

The problem I had coming into this class was that I was very independent and using my own strength to overcome issues or problems. I had issues where I felt I was always the victim and I deserved something from my fiancé. I expected things out of my fiancé as if I deserved my desire. I had issues with pornography in the past and it became an issue for us. We fought with each other instead of fighting for each other. We loved each other yet our love alone was not enough to overpower our desire of selfishness. This led us to a point where we knew that we loved each other and that no matter what may have gone wrong between us it was too screwed up to blame it all on one person.

I usually try to fix our issues by ignoring the truth of the problem and moving towards an illusion or distraction to keep us temporary satisfied. My plan for temporary satisfaction never worked out. Because there was always a deeper feeling of discontentment.

As counseling continued I slowly learned that these issues went much further than I knew. And the whole world is encountering these issues as well as me and my fiancé which makes it a bit scary. But what Hans has told and taught me is that without God I will always be discontent. By the grace of God we are saved. By the grace of God we are alive. By the grace of God we are given this chance on earth to pass his word. By the grace of God we sin yet he forgives us purely. By the grace of God me and my fiancé were given the opportunity to meet, grow, love, and eventually be an engaged couple. Every move and opportunity I’ve had is because of God’s will. Every thing I am is in him. What I did not realize was life on earth is a sacrifice.

The marriage I was getting ready for was a covenant through God to live as Jesus did on earth. To sacrifice your life here on earth to your spouse as Jesus did to the world. My faith has to be in him not my own awareness or my own thoughts of what’s best. I must make smart decisions. But if good comes out of my smart decisions it is not because of my decision it’s because God had grace to give me the opportunity to have the decision. How I’ve grown is I never knew Christ before I met Hans. But as these last couple months passed I have changed and have grown into a firm believer.

I need God because this world is too full of evil and distractions against God that we are too vulnerable to a sinful life.

I have felt so much growth since starting my classes with Hans. God truly has a plan for me and no matter what happens in my life, I will cherish the many blessings and overcome the obstacles through God and God only. What I have gained is the mind set that this life is only temporary and that God has a Plan for me.

I pray to grow and to visualize the track he has laid out for me. I pray to live a legacy where I am known through God. I pray to be filled with joy and faith as long as I have God. I have come to a point in life where I cannot live for me anymore. I must live for God and my fiancé. I must learn to be a godly figure and to lead by example through love faith and hope. I must sacrifice pain and hurt to fulfill my duties as a husband and a father. I must be strong as my God is standing strong for me.

God has worked through Hans to change my life. I thank family, friends, and Hans for letting this opportunity come about. Even with this progress I want more. I strive to grow and to teach and to separate my self from the sinful world we live in.

I want Heaven!!

 

My wife and I have been married for 21 years and with the hustle and bustle of life we were finding it hard to connect with one another. My wife took it upon herself to seek help for the both of us and I agreed. Little did I know it was the best thing we could have ever done for our marriage.

Just like a typical man I thought I could fix it without any-ones help, just like the car, a fence or other things I fix around the house.

We started our meetings with Hans who began to remind us what we were missing in our marriage was God’s guidance. I am a believer and know that God can take care of any situation if I just let him, but I needed to be reminded to let him take over and lead me.

I immediately noticed a difference when I looked my wife in the eyes, held her hands and told her I loved her with all my heart. Over several weeks our love grew more and more and we realized we were on our way to success.

Not only did our love for one another grow, but our kids noticed and our entire family grew closer.

If you are struggling let God in and accept the free gift that He offered in His Son Jesus Christ, your wife and kids deserve your God guided love for them!”

 

I came to counseling because my wife wanted to. I knew we needed help, but I didn’t think going to counseling would be our solution.

I realized very quickly that my controlling nature was straining the core of our relationship and also starting to affect our entire family.

Through God, I’ve learned to be a little more understanding of how to handle conflict and how to listen to my wife. I’ve also learned the importance of “serving” both my spouse and God to improve my relationship.

Since purposing to work on these things, I am experiencing a closer relationship with my family, my God, and being more at peace with my personal demons and trying to confront them in a positive manner.”

 

Less than a year ago, our marriage of 17 years was in shambles.

Jason’s company required him to travel, and we found ourselves slowly drifting apart. When Jason became unfaithful, we had so much tension between us that we didn’t know if Hans would even take us as clients. He accepted us right where we were, as a broken and frustrated couple, and taught us how to express our hurts and extend forgiveness, from our hearts, not just from our heads.

He encouraged Jason to get a job in which he wouldn’t need to travel and to become part of a community of men who could encourage him in healing. God amazingly provided both of these.

God has given us a second chance. We now look forward to a future in which we hold the tools for effective communication and the desire to grow closer.

Marriage Revolution has given us a jump start to a better relationship together and with God. We’re so grateful!”

 

I am so grateful to God for speaking wisdom to Hans to give me in the depth of my despair & through him, letting me know that He is still there for me, still loves both myself & my husband, that His will is for our family to stay together, & helping us resolve years of conflict & pain.”

 

Every time I speak with Hans, I learn something, I am fortified and I move forward, even just a small step. He does not judge me or feed me “pat” answers, rather Hans is prepared for every phone call with wisdom and direction specific to my situation.

That one hour a week for the past several months has been pivotal in my relationship with God and in surviving my marital crisis.

Each appointment is appointed by God. When I am through this phase of my life and my circumstances are decided, I will join the supporters of this ministry so others have this opportunity that I have had.

Thank you from the bottom of a very full and renewed heart”

 

About 6 months ago my marriage hit a brick wall and after a couple months of things just not getting better we separated.

I was devastated that our marriage was slowly dying and I was lost by all that I was dealing with. I wanted to work on our marriage but my wife did not and I didn’t know what to do.

I heard Hans’ story and I felt that I should contact him for advice. Hans was able to counsel me over the phone and help me to start looking at my part in the breakdown of my marriage instead of focusing everything on my wife. He helped me to discover all the failures that I had and how God could turn my life around by admitting them.

Hans worked with me to overcome my failures and start improving upon them by allowing God to take the lead in my life.”