How Not To Change Your Spouse

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The following post was written by Scott Credeur.

If you went to Sunday school as a kid, its very likely you learned a catchy song with some not so good hand motions that reveals a significant truth about marriage. What song do you ask?

It goes like this:

Zacchaeus was a wee little man and wee little man was he,

He climbed up in a sycamore tree for the Lord he wanted to see,

And as the savior passed that way he looked up in the tree,

And he said, “Zaccheus, you come down!”

For I’m coming to your house today.

What does this song have to do with marriage?

22 Phrases To Turn Your Love Around

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One of my favorite authors and speakers, Paul Tripp, is famous for saying, “Change doesn’t take place in big, dramatic moments. Rather, the transforming work of grace operates in 10,000 little moments of life more than it does in a series of two or three life-altering events.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Here’s what that statement looks like as it relates to marriage, “Marriages are built and destroyed in the everyday small moments of life.”

5 Years Is Just The Beginning

Would you help us make the next 5 even better?

It all started on a 7 hour drive from Little Rock to Houston.

5 years later, Marriage Revolution is a thriving marriage ministry that has impacted hundreds of thousands of couples around the world (Watch the video above to get a glimpse of all that God has accomplished through this ministry).

Our mission is and always will be to provide help and hope to couples without ever letting money stand in the way. Because of our faithful donors, we’ve never had to turn someone away for marriage help because of money over the past 5 years.

But that’s starting to change…

My waiting list is continuing to grow, and over the past 3 months alone I’ve had to turn away over 40 hurting couples that have reached out for help.

  • 40 couples that wanted help.
  • 40 couples that have finally realized they need help.
  • 40 couples who have humbled themselves and gained enough courage to reach out to a virtual stranger to help them in their marriage only to be told,

“I’m sorry, we can’t help you right now.”

More and more I’m turning couples away not directly because of money, but because of capacity.

How do we increase our capacity?

We believe now is the time for us to hire an additional full time Biblical Counselor to help us shoulder the load of couples God is bringing our way. This will be the biggest step of faith we’ve made in our short 5 years of existence, and I also believe it could be the most significant one.

Would you help us take this step by giving a one time gift, or by starting to give on a monthly basis?

Although our overall financial need is huge, the amount of your gift doesn’t need to be. In fact, I’d much rather see 100 families commit to $30 a month as opposed to 1 family commit to $3000 a month.

So, whether you can give a one time gift of $50 or $5000, or give $30 or $300 a month, would you please consider helping us take this step of faith and help exponentially more couples in 2016?

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Thank You!

How to Confess A Sexual Sin To Your Spouse

PART 2

When I confessed my sin of pornography to Star about 15 years ago it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. It was also one of the most painful times for my wife.

She was shocked. She felt like she had just been hit by a truck. She thought I was a sicko. She thought I needed to be admitted for sexual addiction counseling. We had just rebuilt our marriage from a pile of ashes and now this?

My confession broke trust, exposed insecurities, and shattered any intimacy we had built over the 3 years before. But, I don’t regret it for a second…

Why You Need To Confess Sexual Sin To Your Spouse Now

PART 1

I went to Cambodia a couple weeks ago with Tim and Stephanie Broersma. I love this couple. One of the reasons I love them is their authenticity and their willingness to share how God has rescued and restored them from their marriage struggles.

Tim struggled with sexual sin for many years (watch their powerful testimony below). When God led him to confess his sin to Stephanie, he didn’t do it perfect, but he did do a lot right.

Now, 7 years later, their marriage is stronger than ever and they are helping other marriages who have been through the same thing experience similar restoration. One of the biggest reasons they have recovered so well is because Tim confessed right.

So many married men AND women are struggling with sexual sin (pornography, emotional affairs, physical affairs, etc…) and it is destroying their relationship from the inside out. If there is any hope for the restoration of these marriages, confession needs to happen now and it needs to happen right.

I want to help those who are struggling with sexual sin confess in a way that will give their marriage the best possible chances of restoration.

12 Ways To Stay Close When The Going Gets Rough

Guest Post: Janel Breitenstein is a married mother of 4 who writes frequently for FamilyLife. Janel and her husband John currently serve with eMi in Uganda. You can visit her blog at www.agenerousgrace.com

Couple walking in rainy

It was one of the most pressing seasons for our marriage.

We were facing a trifecta of major life decisions—only one of which included the continent we’d be living on. And our marriage that had been marked by teamwork and partnership now found our opinions diverging in opposite directions.

To say we were stressed was more than an understatement.

An Open Letter To A Spouse Who Wants Out

Open Letter

It usually starts with a phone call. Maybe an e-mail.

And this is the part where I feel my gut clench; I find my fingers covering my lips. No matter how many times I’ve received the news, I’m stunned for a bit. Broken.

The communication is typically from the husband or wife desperate for the marriage to work. He, or she, is pleading with me,

“Please call. Please, please meet with. Please email something—anything—to my spouse. Please do whatever you can to talk them out of leaving, or worse yet, divorce.”

Some of my most challenging, gut-rending work—though it’s why I do what I do!—is when one spouse is completely done with their marriage.

I’ve written previously describing what to do when your spouse wants out. But now I want to speak to the spouse that actually wants out.

To the one who wants to leave…

Did You Marry The Wrong Person?

Guest Post: Janel Breitenstein is a married mother of 4 who writes frequently for FamilyLife. Janel and her husband John currently serve with eMi in Uganda. You can visit her blog at www.agenerousgrace.com

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He surprised me, you know.

I was eighteen. I was leading a college Bible study around a book called Lady in Waiting. I had Kissed Dating Goodbye. I was running hard after God—“Dude, you were hard core,” a guy friend told me years later, in that “we kind of thought you wouldn’t be interested in us” kind of voice.

And then…there was this curly-haired guy with a head-turning but modest self-confidence, a guy who seemed to be running as hard as I was, but in retrospect, more peace and joy.

I initially thought of every reason in the book not to date him, scared of doing the wrong thing (or even feeling pleasure) as I was. Looking at those broad shoulders: I bet he works out and thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips.

Help! I Can’t Find Time For My Marriage

Everyone’s busy. Too busy.

One of the most common denominators amongst struggling couples that sit on my couch is a lack of quality time together. Schedules, to-do lists, house projects, homework, and sports schedules frequently take priority to the marriage relationship.

Of course, quality time by itself will not change a marriage, but it is required in order for change to take place.

More Ideas For Your Time Together

 

How To Stop Small Fights From Turning Into Explosions

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My lovely wife and I were talking pleasantly the other day in the car, enjoying its quiet freedom from children.

Then she said something that frustrated me.

It wasn’t anything big, but I made a decision to gently talk about it.  Before I knew it, this small, seemingly insignificant chat was a full blown conflict.

It felt like we both went from 0-60 faster than a Ferrari.

You know them: those ‘discussions’ that started out so calm trying to reconcile something so simple that eventually turned into a dog-eat-dog, blame-shifting, name-calling, slam-the-door firestorm.

At the end of these fights, and sometimes even during them, you and your spouse are full of regret, anger, shame, guilt, sorrow. The ashes: Loss. If only.

How do we stop these small fights from turning into full blown explosions?

I learned one of the most practical tools for resolving these types of conflicts from a firefighter in the third grade. By now, you might even be reciting those three little words: