Let’s Talk About Sex

This post was written as a Date Night Guide for Church Project’s Valentines Day Date Night on February 13, 2015

Adam and Eve

Sex in the Garden of Eden…can you imagine?

Adam and Eve were in a lush garden with flowers and vegetation not yet marred by the presence of sin. They likely heard running water in the nearby river and animals were walking around freely. And maybe most significantly, Adam and Eve, “…felt no shame.”

“…and they become one flesh. The man and his wife were naked, and they felt no shame.”
Genesis 2:24-25

Make no mistake, Adam and Eve had great sex. What was the key ingredient? It wasn’t only nakedness!

Great sex for Adam and Eve was the result of a perfect relationship in the presence of a perfect creator with the absence of shame. Shame wasn’t present because sin hadn’t shown up yet.

Since we’re not in the Garden of Eden anymore, sin will always affect our sex life to one degree or another. But, we aren’t left to helplessly accept the influence it has over us.

Here are 4 things to remember, discuss, and put into practice to help minimize the impact sin and shame has on our sex life:

  1. Great sex starts with a Great Creator – God created sex and gave it as a good gift to husbands and wives. How incredible is it that God designed our bodies to experience the pleasure of sex? Think about how much precise physiology, chemistry, biology, and not to mention creativity, it took for God to get all the parts of a man and women working and fitting together to get each person to a point of, well, you know 🙂 …
    • Tell your spouse a few of the parts of their body you are thankful to God for creating.
    • Then, take turns actually thanking God for those parts and the gift of sex.
    • Finally, for the rest of your night out, do your best to stay touching each other until the moment you fall asleep.
  2. Great sex is built on a Great Friendship – I’ve heard it said that physical affection follows emotional connection. And, emotional connection could be described as simply, friendship. Great sex is built on an emotionally secure friendship. Great lovers are great friends.
    • Tell your spouse 1 thing about their personality that you love.
    • Then, besides sex, tell them what you enjoy doing together the most.
    • Put some time on the calendar right now to do these activities as soon as possible. Or if possible, do them tonight!
  3. Great sex is practiced with a Promise – When was the last time you renewed your vows to each other? I’m not talking about a big 10 or 20 year anniversary deal with your closest friends, but rather just between you and your spouse. Great sex is best experienced when your spouse knows you’re in this forever….no matter what.
    • In your own words, express your lifelong commitment to your spouse.
    • Take them by both hands and look them in the eyes and sincerely let them know you’ll never leave them.
    • Let them know you’ll always be there regardless of what the future holds.
  4. Great sex is fueled with a Passion – Ok, finally what you’ve been waiting for. God created sex to be passionate and pleasurable. One of the ways to fan the flame of passion is to communicate openly about your sex life with your spouse.
    • Take turns talking to each other about your sex together by finishing each of the following statements (keep it classy!):
    • Remember when…recall an especially memorable sexual experience with your spouse
    • I can’t wait for…express your desire to be with your spouse in as much detail as possible
    • I love it when you…explain what you like in the bedroom

As with any part of a great marriage, sex is not ordinarily something that just happens and keeps getting better and better over time.  It has to be talked about, cultivated, and experienced often in order to thrive.

Continue to have these types of conversations on a regular basis to fan the flame of intimacy in your relationship.

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