Is your marriage TOO important?


After being married for just 18 short months, Star and I separated and were in the process of filing for divorce. During this time I was highly encouraged to go to marriage counseling…alone. It didnt make sense to me, but I went anyway. And, I’m thankful I did. I learned God’s blueprint and heart for marriage (and me), and HE changed my life.

During this season, I made it my mission in life to save my marriage. I confessed. I loved. I forgave. I was becoming the husband I never was but now knew God wanted me to be. I knew Star wouldn’t come running right back, but I thought it would just be a matter of time.

Instead, my love was met with Star’s increased rebellion.

I was appalled. I was in shock….

Is God ALL we need in marriage?

Can I talk out of both sides of my mouth for a second?

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In a previous post, I explained how Adam’s aloneness in the Garden reveals that we should view our spouse as God’s property, not our own, to love and sacrificially serve.

And further, we should reject the idea of primarily seeing our spouse as an object to meet our needs because Christ is sufficient to provide us everything we need for this life (2 Peter 1:3).

So, someone could summarize my last post by saying, “God is ALL we need”.  And, depending on what they mean by that statement they might be summarizing correctly.  But let me clarify…

Is God all we need?

“You Complete Me”

I’ve written a good amount of anniversary and birthday cards over the past 20 years of being married to Star. Don’t tell her, but I have a couple phrases that I’ve used in those cards more than a few times over:

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  • “I’m so glad I’m married to you”
  • “I’d marry you all over again”
  • “What we’ve gone through has been worth it to have what we have”
  • “I’m a better person because of you”
  • “I thank God for you”

And on and on…(I’ll spare you the more intimate ones)

One phrase that I’ve been tempted to include ever since the late 90’s is, “You complete me”.  Yes, the famous scene you know so well from Jerry Maguire stuck with me.

As romantic a phrase as this is, and as many people that may well intentionally use it, I’ve chosen not to.  Here’s why…

You’re Being Lied To…

The Truth About Marriage

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I hate to break it to you, but you’ve been lied to.

And, you’re being lied to every day. What’s worse is you probably don’t know the extent its happening. But make no mistake, it is happening. Constantly. Every day. And, the lies are coming from multiple sources…

The lies are coming from media, music, news, billboards, social media, and unfortunately from some of our well-meaning friends and even some pastors, just to name a few.

In order to recognize the lies, we must be inebriated in the truth. Yes, inebriated!

How To Predict If You’ll End Up Divorced

Which Direction

No one typically stands across the altar and says, “I do” with an intention of splitting up. But, fast forward several years and over 50% of married couples are considering divorce and thinking,

“What happened?”

“How’d we get here?”

“How could we start out so in love and end up hating each other so much?”.

So many couples are surprised when they are facing divorce because they don’t understand the following principle:

Direction, not intention, determines your destination.”

Andy Stanley talks about this in detail in his book, “The Principle of the Path“.

Lots of couples have great intentions of being married for 50+ years and raising their kids in a loving and secure home, but very few couples are actually headed in that direction.

The condition of your marriage is never stationary. It’s always moving in 1 of 2 directions. One’s good – INTIMACY. One’s bad – DIVORCE. It’s a sobering reality.

The quicker you and your spouse understand which direction you’re going, the quicker you can both intelligently work on your marriage.

How can you predict if you’ll end up divorced? Have an honest conversation with your spouse about the direction your marriage is currently heading.

If your marriage is headed in the wrong direction, don’t freak out, but please do something!

If your marriage is headed in the right direction, don’t become complacent. Marriage takes constant work. Without work, your marriage will end up drifting in the wrong direction.

Regardless of which direction your marriage is heading, please DO something for your marriage this week to make sure you resist the drift.